They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
