Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
