she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
