I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
