my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
