3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i wish my penis had a tongue
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
