We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
