dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
