my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
