Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
