woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
