if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
