I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
