am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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