Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
