Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
