Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
