I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
