I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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