Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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