i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
