How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
