Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
