As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
