if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
