Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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