I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
