My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
