Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
