just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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