if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
