The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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