Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You just made me feel so damn special
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
