If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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