I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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