We're like a lot better than the average bears
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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