So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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