If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
