All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
