new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Green mimosas i think yes
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
