Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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