Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
