I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
