I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
