If that was your dad, he is hot
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm really busy with my period
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