i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
