i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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