so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
