Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
