I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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