drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
