Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
