How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
