Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
