Banned from zoo.
Again?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
