i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
