you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
