they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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