I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
