You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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