If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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